“Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife. . this man to be your wedded husband?”
What steps lead to that happy/solemn phrase, ‘I take this person to be. . ‘?
Life outside the U.S. stretched my thinking on several fronts. This was one. Musings stirred about cultural traditions, about courtship and marriage – some fun and romantic-like, others less so but interesting the same. Musings on how such things play out mong a people different from my own.
“Well, you know”, the dark-skinned gentleman whose head often wagged slightly sideways to signal agreement, offered, “it is like this. . .”
The pleasant sing-song introduction came from an Indian gent I was getting to know. I nodded, coaxing him on in his response to my question.
“You know, we in India and other places come to marriage differently than is done in the West. And, though modern times bring some change, customs to do with the marital union – we hold them quite dear.”
Interesting.
“Can I ask you, Vinay, did your grandparents decide how your own mother and father were to meet and marry? Your father’s parents, for instance, was it they who selected who the girl would be for him?”
And so the visit went.
Before my chat with Vinay, I had already been hearing that much of the world – most of the world – goes about romance and marriage in ways I could think are very weird. Like everyone else, I interpreted most all things through my own American-tinted cultural lens.
“They played a big role, yes”, Vinay replied. “And so did my mother’s family – with long visits over tea and step-by-step discussions – continuing forward right up to their marriage union.
“After all, marrying is not about falling in love. It is about giving thought to life as a whole, which usually does include marrying someone. “
I nodded, implying I understood. But I didn’t really, not quite.
“Young people in the West follow feelings, they go with their senses. A couple “fall in love”, and they marry. In our tradition we find it better to wed a person the family determines – in their best judgment – to be a decent match. The process moves forward. Eventually, the couple marry. The two then “grow into loving” one another. . . Yes, it usually comes. The pair grow to love each other over time. It is the way with our people.
I wondered. These worlds of romance and courtship and marriage. West and East. Could there be a middle ground?
I still wonder.
©2018 Jerry
I have to admit, I prefer their way of thinking toward marriage. Why do we want to “fall” into something that is supposed to last a life time? Our parents are usually wiser than we are in our late teens and early twenties. Something about arranged marriages attracts me.
Right. ‘Falling in love’ happens but can be pretty overrated, it seems. Thank you, Bobi.