Family Addition(s)

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It wasn’t an appealing dwelling place for a family but California’s Mojave Desert supplied one perk. Houses didn’t cost much. South African immigrants had assigned retired gold mining communities their names. A two mile drive west of Johannesburg led to Randsburg. Clyde, Thelma and seven-year-old Betty settled into their new home. He paid $150 for the house. His plumbing skills secured work for him at a nearby military base.

Clyde privately pledged that he and Thelma would have no more children. He vowed so during the agonized hours after Bobby’s drowning. For sure, his heart began a slow healing as he read through Bible stories. The life and words of Jesus especially drew him in, bringing more composure. And he sensed growth in his spiritual journey.

Still, something he dreamed after going to bed one night in their small Randsburg home left him astonished.
In his dream he pictured small children whom he couldn’t recall ever seeing before. They were lively, happy at play.

After some moments into the dream a crisp, convicting message – like a theme – overtook his mind. Bringing no further children into the world was not Clyde’s decision to make. Not really. His choosing this path closed the door to receiving precious little ones assigned to their family’s care.

Receiving? Assigned?

In the days following, Clyde could not shrug off images of laughing, playing children nor the dream’s assertion as he experienced it. The matter became a conviction. He yielded.

In due course Thelma delivered their third child. All nine pounds of Timothy Arthur Lout were clearly present. Exclamations erupted at Red Mountain’s hospital.

Now there’s a Big boy! He’s half grown already!

Timothy was still a baby when the family moved once again. Back to the Bay. To Berkeley. My mother (Thelma) later reviewed the setting and its seasons. When you were born, Jerry, Berkeley was just a quiet little college town.

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I came into the world one year, one month and one day after my brother, Tim. I skinned up the tip of my nose from regularly rooting face-down into the bed sheets. For this the hospital nurses labeled me ‘little bull’.
How our small-framed mother actually delivered us bruisers, Tim and me, is a marvel. I trumped my brother Tim’s birth weight, tipping the scales at a disquieting ten pounds. A vital, robust life seemed clearly ahead.

During this period a word was finding its way into conversations all around. The word polio.

©2015 Jerry Lout

A Sure Hope

The mourners dispersed. The flower-dotted cemetery reverted to its earlier stillness. Thelma almost whispered her words.

What is it, Dovie? This Presence. It’s inside me. . in gentle waves. What is this goodness and this . .safety I feel?

Thelma’s question hung in the air. The shadow of a Canary Island Palm stretched across the lawn before them.

She was hungry for answers. This utter absence of her earlier grief astonished her. She hoped that the extraordinary calm would somehow remain. Yet she feared it may take flight. Could she carry on?

Dovie, will this peace, or the source of it, be near again if I (she corrected herself) when I need it?   

More questions. She had many and voiced most of them to Dovie over coming weeks.

Dovie was not a person of complicated notions or grand explanations. She waited. As she sensed a thought forming that brought clarity she pondered it, then offered a response. Otherwise she remained still. Prayerful.

The God that Dovie came to know and to love was real. And he was the giver of the Book. She knew that answers for questions that actually mattered were linked to the precious book. The pages of her own Bible showed uncommon signs of wear. It attested to truth. And to God’s presence.

“All I know, Thelma, is Jesus is real. It’s him. He’s the presence.”  Her words were simple, uncomplicated. Dovie responded in this way it seemed every time. Always highlighting Jesus.

How do I get him. . have him in my life, Dovie? Can I? I don’t want to be without the hope. I need Jesus. 

“Just say that to him, dear. Give him your heart. Surrender to him your whole life. Let him begin to take over. He’s listening. He doesn’t turn anybody away.”

Thelma yielded. As much as she knew how to. Shortly afterward Clyde kneeled, giving himself over to God’s care. Both of them were ready. They sensed it keenly. They needed God’s presence.

They were comforted too, that he understood the pain of releasing a son to the grave. Neither understood a lot of their salvation. They didn’t worry themselves over it. They just believed, and trusted.

Clyde and Thelma entered a new kind of life. Striding forward in faith, limping at times. In love. And hope.

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©2015 Jerry Lout

Presence

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Dovie touched the apron hem to her eyes and dabbed at gathering tears. She released it and the apron fell again, draping her cotton dress. Taking up the dish towel she wiped the last of the dinner plates. Her eyes were sorrowful. Still they displayed a quiet serenity. Dovie turned from the kitchen sink and tenderly regarded her sister-in-law.

Thelma sat near-motionless at the table. Soft catches in her breathing testified to sobs reluctant to go away. Her eyes were drawn, weary from the work of crying.

A fan in a distant room whirred rhythmically. Dovie lingered, treasuring the stillness here as a sacred thing. She moved slowly to the space behind Thelma’s chair. She rested her hands on the young mother’s shoulders. Dovie’s hands were weathered, not from age but from the Oklahoma field labor of earlier times.

Her lips moved silently in devotion, breathing only an occasional whisper.
Father, your peace.
Your peace, Father.

Her prayer seemed more a statement than a petition. An acknowledgement of nearness.

Thelma sensed the nearness. She let herself begin to settle into it. It was a nearness different than that of her sister-in-law’s gentle presence. She gave herself to it and it remained.
Into many years to come, beginning from this day, Thelma recalled Dovie’s closeness. And her quiet conversations with heaven – times of the presence. She savored the memories of her sister-in-law. She savored, even more, the presence.

Thelma’s account.

Dovie quietly came to me. Within moments of her hands being on my shoulders I felt differently. I was lighter. That awful sorrow, its horrible darkness lifted off me. There was peace. It was real, this feeling. I was calm. A sweetness came to the room. A rich Presence.

(Later. The day of the funeral) Walking to the gravesite I felt I was gliding along. I can’t explain. Like floating just above the ground. I was being carried. It was the same afterward, walking from the burial place. I never knew this kind of presence. And peace.

After a time Clyde and Thelma chose to move again to California. But only following another choice – a significant one each felt they must make.

©Jerry Lout 2015

A Desert Place

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Jack! Jack! O God.

The neighbor screamed wildly, again yelling the appeal. The young man pivoted. His eyes followed her gesture.
The canal!

Irrigation waters swept Jack’s young cousin downstream. The twenty year old ran two and a half blocks before catching up with little Bobby. He pulled him from the current and onto the canal bank. But Jack arrived too late. Three year old Bobby Lout was gone.

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The young family had come to Phoenix from Berkeley for the climate. For the children’s health.

Clyde had long since atoned for his oversleeping bungle. His slim earnings as a plumber’s helper prepared them for a modest but happy welcome of their firstborn. Betty came within a year of Thelma’s pilgrimage West. Her little brother arrived three years later.

Thelma let his curly blond hair grow long. He charmed the family, neighbors, even strangers. Everyone adored Bobby.

Then asthma descended on the two children. The damp climate of the Bay area made the condition worse. Clyde considered the situation. They should move, he told Thelma.

His oldest sibling, Dovie, had settled in Arizona with her family. The Louts left for Phoenix. Clyde found a place to live not far from Dovie’s household. And in a reasonable time he had a job.

Then now, this crushing loss.

Bobby’s death lunged the family into grief. Thelma anguished over Bobby’s drowning so intensely it was questioned whether she would regain emotional soundness. Wailings gave way to sobs, then whimpers. Cycles kept alive with renewed sobbing, followed by long silences.

Limping is a thing that overtakes everyone in the race we call life. The death of a child, especially one’s own child, can bring devastating lameness. It cripples parents and siblings – at least temporarily – in ways not easily comprehended. Recovery from some horrors demands critical attention.

Crippling lameness calls for companionship. For authentic compassion. It calls for family – natural or otherwise.

Dovie lived nearby. A godsend.

©Jerry Lout 2015