India – Jerry Lout ⚬ Writer ⚬ Speaker ⚬ Mobilizer

Although her length and breadth boasts an imposing 1.7 million square miles and hosts a vast mix of ethnicities, each individual inhabitant of the Indian Subcontinent is ‘a story being written’. Through the many years since our meeting, Nuren’s story leaves me smiling and, frankly, in wonder.

When Nuren arrived in Michigan he brought with him a rich heritage of India family and culture. Hearing Nuren recall his grandfather’s role in shaping his life is itself an excursion into a generations-long treasure. While his Hindu upbringing instilled elements that framed some of his worldview, Nuren’s insatiable quest for deeper meaning gave rise to relentless questions.

When a married couple, Amit and Glory – also from India and also student-residents in the Wolverine State – happened to cross paths with Nuren, a bond of friendship began forging. So much so that when the couple moved to Tulsa on a snowy January day for Amit’s further studies, their friend Nuren found every excuse to stay in touch.

Through a host of phone visits and added long drives to Tulsa, Nuren’s questions about the intersection of personal life and the Christian faith were earnestly posed. In a sustained environment of warmth and hospitality, his friends in T-town never wearied of the visits. To the contrary, Amit and Glory continually welcomed their keen-minded, inquisitive friend. Glory’s tasty curries found their way to the simple dining table around which robust questions and the occasional prayer were brought forward.

On a warm Summer day a couple of years after Nuren’s first Tulsa visit, we gathered at the home of veterinary friend Jim Osborn. The water temperature of Jim and Pam’s above ground pool was just right.

While further questions (some not yet thought of) would remain unaddressed for a time, our hungry-for-truth friend Nuren was ready to respond to Jesus’ call, “Come, follow”.

A fresh dry towel appeared. Broad smiles, perhaps a tear or two, touched the faces of several gathered. Glory and Amit beamed. We entered the pool.

“So now, upon the profession of your faith. . in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. . .”

“Do you take this woman to be your wedded wife. . this man to be your wedded husband?”

What steps lead to that happy/solemn phrase, ‘I take this person to be. . ‘?

Life outside the U.S. stretched my thinking on several fronts. This was one. Musings stirred about cultural traditions, about courtship and marriage – some fun and romantic-like, others less so but interesting the same. Musings on how such things play out mong a people different from my own.

“Well, you know”, the dark-skinned gentleman whose head often wagged slightly sideways to signal agreement, offered, “it is like this. . .”

The pleasant sing-song introduction came from an Indian gent I was getting to know. I nodded, coaxing him on in his response to my question.

“You know, we in India and other places come to marriage differently than is done in the West. And, though modern times bring some change, customs to do with the marital union – we hold them quite dear.”

Interesting.

“Can I ask you, Vinay, did your grandparents decide how your own mother and father were to meet and marry? Your father’s parents, for instance, was it they who selected who the girl would be for him?”

And so the visit went.

Before my chat with Vinay, I had already been hearing that much of the world – most of the world – goes about romance and marriage in ways I could think are very weird. Like everyone else, I interpreted most all things through my own American-tinted cultural lens.

“They played a big role, yes”, Vinay replied. “And so did my mother’s family – with long visits over tea and step-by-step discussions – continuing forward right up to their marriage union.

“After all, marrying is not about falling in love. It is about giving thought to life as a whole, which usually does include marrying someone. “

I nodded, implying I understood. But I didn’t really, not quite.

“Young people in the West follow feelings, they go with their senses. A couple “fall in love”, and they marry. In our tradition we find it better to wed a person the family determines – in their best judgment – to be a decent match. The process moves forward. Eventually, the couple marry. The two then “grow into loving” one another. . . Yes, it usually comes. The pair grow to love each other over time. It is the way with our people.

I wondered. These worlds of romance and courtship and marriage. West and East. Could there be a middle ground?

I still wonder.

Tag: India

In Pursuit

To Tie A Knot