disillusioned – Jerry Lout ⚬ Writer ⚬ Speaker ⚬ Mobilizer

Hungering?

Not hungering for knowledge of the brainy kind. Not hungering after an experience. Not even hungering after spiritual growth, whatever we might assume that is.

One can stoke an appetite of yearning for the finest of things. But if the very finest of things is missing or drops to even second place on our craving list, we come up short. Like the man who climbs his ladder of success only to discover the ladder has been leaning against the wrong wall.

The relentless hungering after a lesser thing, i.e. anything other than our Lord’s thing, carries the person to one of at least two places.

(A) The place of pride (I am one of those few select souls following hard after the ‘right path’. . . so take note!). Comparing his actions and behaviors to others, he views his spiritual maturity as deeper, more advanced. To this person good performing is everything.

(B) The place of despondence (Why did I ever buy into the notion that satisfaction and contentment were in reach, since all my efforts following this Christian trail have failed at both).

Any time we set out on our own to achieve a thing that can only be obtained by God and his means, we come up short. Disappointed. Frustrated. Disillusioned. Not fun places to be.

Let us picture this. A young lady grows up in a religious tradition where she routinely hears something like, “You must please God every day or you might not make it to heaven”. Or, “Here is a list of things in the Bible you had better be working on if you want to be a real worth-your-salt Christian.” Along the way the girl reads that Jesus calls disciples to follow him.

“I do want to be acceptable to God when I die”, she muses. “I want to be a good Christian. I will do my best to obey God and follow Jesus.”

In time this sincere soul simply grows weary in the trying. Trying to measure up. Day after day, trying and trying. Eventually throwing in the towel.

In the one kept afloat by human pride the bubble bursts. For the other, exhausted and spent in the tryings, all-out collapse awaits.

But then at the last moment, good news!

A lifeline floats our way straight off a New Testament page. Our weary soul rallies at the alluring words from the pen of a seasoned tentmaker,

But now let me show you a way of life that is best of all.*

Seeing all things about us put right over time. . .

Who wouldn’t opt for such a prospect? Frankly, though, many of us in our quest for quick solutions might be less than euphoric over the ending couple of words there – over time.

Ralph Waldo Emerson offered a thoughtful if somewhat annoying perspective, “People wish to be settled; only as far as they are unsettled is there any hope for them”.

I once got left alone in a forsaken dry riverbed in the heart of Africa’s wild game country. Night had set in. I was on foot and fighting distressing questions about whether I would get out in one piece or be eaten by a leopard or some other carnivorous beast. Being unarmed and at the mercy it seemed of whatever may come my way, I called up by a pure act of will and perhaps a trace of faith, a string of verses from the Old Testament.

Assured from earlier times that the passage (Psalm 91) bore reliable truths and had come ‘God-breathed for his people in times of crisis, I began quoting them as best as I was able. After some moments as I trekked through sand hoping somehow for a safe exit, voicing scripture as I went, a great, unexpected quiet settled down over me. My mind no longer raced. Nor, it seemed, did my pulse.

Throughout my years in various kinds of settings – few of which competed with the riverbed episode for high drama – a conviction has grown within me. A priceless gift comes our way from the hand of a gracious God – the gift of growing disillusioned with ourselves.

Centuries-old histories from inside and outside the church offer up loads of evidence that people simply cannot tackle and conquer every vice or resistance that comes their way. Even religious people.

Someone from outside ourselves must make himself present as rescuer, as advocate.

Thankfully (yes, we keep returning to it) someone has come.

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